The Top 10 Things I've Learned Over the Last Decade
Good Parsi Wife
This decade has been a pretty full on, to say the least. I started off getting engaged, planned a wedding, started my Engineering career as a graduate, finished studying, pulled off a Big Parsi Wedding, moved into our house, had a kid, moved to South Korea for a few months, moved back home, had another kid, put down my dog, lost my Grandmother, had a 30s crisis, started studying again for a career change, AND have gained 4 nieces and nephews! I really think I have grown emotionally a lot during my 20s, and so in true engineering form, I wanted to share some of my Lessons Learned (and if you need a giggle, be sure to read #10):
#1 Do what you love
I used to be so creative as a child and teenager. I would choose all the art electives at school, paint and do craft all holidays, and nowadays working on my GPW posts and videos fills my heart. I loved tutoring while I was at uni, and have always loved being around kids, but being a female and good at maths and science in high school, Engineering was the recommended path. In hindsight, I should have studied teaching or something else but no point whinging about it now. Everything happens the way it’s meant to happen and I obviously needed to experience what I have over the past decade. But I’m hoping that now I can change and do something more enjoyable. Life is too short to do something that doesn’t make you want to get up and run to every morning. But yes, there are bills and mortgages to pay so you might also have to do what’s best for your life situation too…
#2 Leopards never change their spots
People have disappointed me in the same way, time after time. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but as a close family friend told me when I was young, “Leopards never change their spots”. As I’ve grown up I’ve come to accept that most people won’t change or are too set in their ways to want to change. I do think that it’s possible to improve yourself and change habits if you acknowledge and have a strong desire to do so, but realistically I think that’s a very small percentage of the population.
#3 Sharing common values makes the relationship
Marriages, family and friend relationships take a lot of work. If you don’t have common values relationships can be difficult to maintain and flourish. My friend circle in high school and uni was a lot bigger than it is now, and initially I thought I was just retreating into my own little word and being antisocial. But when I look at those who I keep in touch and want to spend time with now, it boils down to common values – how you treat people, how you behave with people, and how generous, considerate and empathetic you are with others. Those aspects of people’s behavior are very important to me. And you have to be a little quirky too – I can’t be the only weird one, that would be weird.
#4 Culture and history is so important
I didn’t do a lot of marriage ceremonies during my wedding, because I didn’t want to add to the stress of everything. But after having kids, I realised that the Naming, Besna and Paglaru ceremonies are so cute and really emphasise your culture’s history. Our ancestors made huge sacrifices for the religion and their families. Zoroastrians had to flee Iran to Indian during persecution a few hundred years ago in order to save themselves and their culture, and I really think it’s so important to acknowledge that and keep traditions alive for our kids, and their kids after.
#5 Organisation is the key to success
People often comment that I have so much going on and they don’t understand how I have time to do it all. Organisation is the secret, and here are some tips:
Wash multiple loads of clothes if you have a backlog and you’re at home on a sunny day. You never know what tomorrow might bring,
Pack bags and lunches the night before,
Iron clothes and lay out for quick kid access in the morning,
Tidy regularly throughout the day. I don’t do this, but the GPHubby wishes I did so he didn’t have to do it all the time (I love telling him that can’t be 100% perfect, like Mary Poppins, right?),
Keep a to-do list on your phone so if you get some free time commuting or at lunch, you will remember to pay a few bills or make a few calls and knock them off your list. If it’s not on my calendar or list, I probably will forget,
Order take out once a week for a break,
Cook twice as much so you can eat it again for lunch and/or dinner during the week,
Cook more and freeze when possible.
#6 Only you can make yourself upset (stop caring too much)
Call it being too sensitive, or call it caring too much, but I used to be very afraid of upsetting people, or getting upset by certain things. My anxiety was triggered by certain things or events, but as I’ve grown older and especially after having kids, I don’t have time for toxic people or any other crap. If I genuinely haven’t done anything wrong, I try not to let it affect me. Life is too short to worry about what other people think. I obviously won’t go around being rude or dismissive of friends and family, but worrying only makes me sick, so no point doing it anymore.
#7 Gratitude & Charity
Be grateful for all that you have, and give back whenever you can. There are millions of people in the world who don’t have a fraction of what most of us have today. Show gratitude and thank whoever/whatever you believe in for all that you have been blessed with, and be generous and charitable with those who need it most.
#8 I don’t like yelling
But boy, can I yell.
I had a no yelling policy in the house before I had kids. The GPubby and would rarely yell at each other, but now I have discovered my yelling voice has excellent range - if I position my chin upwards, face my body in the correct direction, engage core and back muscles, and take a monster deep breath in, I can yell far and wide so everyone in the house can hear (and put their shoes on and get in the damn car)!
#9 Now I know how Mum felt
When we:
Didn’t want to eat her delicious cooking that other people love to come and eat,
Took 2 hours to eat and she had to threaten to run away if we didn’t hurry up,
Chucked a sad because she said no to taking us out immediately to buy craft supplies and we didn’t understand why she couldn’t drop everything and drive us there after watching an episode of Art Attack,
Chucked a sad because we’d finished our craft supply shopping and didn’t want to hang around for grocery shopping because that’s not really so important – food just magically appears in the fridge and on the table multiple times a day, right?!
Bounced a ball inside the house,
Didn’t like her napping.
#10 I LOVE parenting memes
You can often find me silently hysterically giggling after reading a parenting meme. Before having kids you live in la la land about actually what happens, but after kids it’s just so funny to see the truth in a meme. These are some of my favourites (and FYI, I am laughing hysterically as I’m googling to find them):
